Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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