I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
