If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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