As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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