im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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