Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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