The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
