remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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