I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
