Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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