We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
