Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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