I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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