My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize