Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Someone shattered a urinal.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Verdict: uncircumcised.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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