I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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