You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize