Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
