Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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