Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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