I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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