You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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