what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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