No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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