I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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