WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
