I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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