apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
