If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
