As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
