I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
