my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
