I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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