I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize