So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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