He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
