I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
