She is in my trunk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
