i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
