I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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