Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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