you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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