People in love make me want to vomit
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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