I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize