these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Holy shit dude........stairs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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