Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
