tell your sister to shave her snatch
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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