I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
