You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
