You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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