I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
