So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
