I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
