I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im six kinds of drunk right now
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
