For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
