Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
