Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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