my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize