He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
