you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
