woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Randomize
