Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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