I cannot find my penis.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
