There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
