I wish I could teleport
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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