Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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