I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
