just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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