your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
