I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
