I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
