i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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