Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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