So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
