Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
