did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
