Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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