Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
