quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
