You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
