Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize