She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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