I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
