You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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