How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
