nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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