Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize