just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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