my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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