saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We are two peas in an std pod
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
