Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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