I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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