can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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