just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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