I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
