My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
