Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
