How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
