Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
two words...techno handjob
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize