instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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