First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
