I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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