Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize