Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
