Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
